"Our lives are not as limited as we think they are; the world is a wonderfully weird place; consensual reality is significantly flawed; no institution can be trusted, but love does work; all things are possible; and we all could be happy and fulfilled if we only had the guts to be truly free and the wisdom to shrink our egos and quit taking ourselves so damn seriously." -Tom Robbins
I do not believe in a higher power, a calling, or even that we have a real purpose. However, I know the people that have come and gone have served some sort of purpose in my life. I have learned something from every one of them. More often than not, the lesson was a painful one. Their departure left me wounded in some way. Because of how they left more than because I missed them. What do you do when you know someone will not stick around, but that they are a force of good in your life? The person who totally has your back? The one who often thinks of you before themselves? Do you hold on until you have to let them go? Do you attempt to wean yourself of this great thing in hopes that you will have an easier time of it when they are gone? What would Bill Hicks do? I feel like he would know the answer.
I watched my friends obviously madly in love earlier and it made my heart ache just a bit. It is a nice feeling I cannot afford these days. If there is one thing I have learned about my last two relationships, it is that I was dating cowards. This is not to say that I am infallible. I was once a coward like them. I knew there were plenty of fish in the sea and I am a fan of fishing. When I was miserable in my marriage, I threw it out like garbage. I have no regrets. It took me until very recently to realize where I was partly going wrong. We mistake loyalty for insanity. When love is no longer convenient, we find a new one. Shakespeare has been trolling me lately. In “Let Me Not to the Marriage Of True Minds” he says, “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom”… EVEN TO THE EDGE OF DOOM! I really hope that if I ever reach the edge of doom, my true love will also be there by my side. I’ve realized that this love will have to be as dedicated to me as I am to them. This requires sacrifice. True love will always be worth whatever difficulties arise. What I need is not to just find a person to have a true love with, but to find a person as dedicated to the concept as I am now. If I have to wait years to find that person, so be it. If I never find that person, it will be better than leaving a wake of lost time, broken hearts, and sadness. I would rather be alone and watch other lovers enjoy their moments than create any more with someone who can’t be bothered to bear things out to the edge of doom with me. I’m not settling for someone who is only dedicated to right now ever again